Here In This Moment

"How do I enjoy the present more fully?" - my journal

This concludes the first week at my new job.

There were so many emotions I was feeling. Excitement at the prospect of this new adventure. Sadness at not seeing my old co-workers anymore. Nervousness from being the new employee and trying to figure out where I fit in this team.

The best example I can compare it to is like the first day of a new school. You don't have an established pattern of behavior. You have all these new questions: What line are you going to get into? Which table are you going to sit at? Who are you going to sit with?

All that social anxiety came rushing back into this new job. But instead of trying to repress it, I just allowed myself to feel everything.

“Let everything happen to you Beauty and terror Just keep going No feeling is final” - Rainer Maria Rilke

God promised us that he would be with us always (Matthew 28:20). So how do I enjoy the present when it's not comfortable or pleasant or maybe evening boring?

This is a question that has been on my mind lately. I think it's easy to become preoccupied with the future instead of realizing the opportunity sitting right in front of me.

"Drama is life with the dull bits cut out." - Alfred Hitchcock

Why does God allow us to experience boredom, discomfort, and pain?

And I will put this third into the fire, and refine them as one refines silver, and test them as gold is tested. They will call upon my name, and I will answer them. I will say, ‘They are my people’; and they will say, ‘The Lord is my God.’” Zechariah 13:9

I think sometimes that is why I don't step out in faith or take certain risks because I want to avoid the negative emotions or hardships that come with it, but sometimes we need to walk through the pain in order to receive the blessing. If we are faithful in the little things, like David watching the sheep, the Lord will trust us with greater responsibilities. (Matthew 25:14-30) But just like Daniel's friends, Shadrach, Meschach, and Abednego, I hope that I will be faithful even if it costs me everything. (Daniel 3)

"Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." Romans 5:3 - 5

But the beautiful thing is we don't have to face the hard things alone. God is with us in each moment of everyday. He pursues and loves us faithfully. Even in the dark moments of life we can turn to him and allow him to be our comfort and peace.

Lord, I pray that when I see your face you will say "well done, good and faithful servant". Thank you for this new job and this new adventure with you. I pray you would be gentle as you refine me and make me more like you. Remind me that you are with me always and that I can trust you. In Jesus name, Amen.